Not Today – Sort of Short Stories

By: Harry Watts

He stood gazing thru a kitchen window that opened onto the small expanse of lawn that passed as his front yard. He had once looked out another window at a lawn that stretched to a street 300 feet away. Times have surely changed he thought. His eyes rested on a lone maple tree the previous homeowner had optimistically planted years ago. The tree stood tall with limbs reaching in all directions. The leaves, once green with life, were brown and clung tenaciously to limbs bending in the wind. Autumn was almost over and winter was sneaking into town riding on the breeze. As he looked on, he imagined the tree would soon be bare and winter would be in town to stay. He shivered involuntarily and watched the neighbor’s dog bound after a squirrel that deftly escaped up the tree. Looking down from his perch, the squirrel tossed an acorn towards the dog that sat barking below. The dog stopped yelping and began to sniff at the acorn. Distracted, he lost interest in the squirrel and raced back towards home.

The man smiled and turned away towards the sounds of her coming down the stairs. She appeared at the door to the kitchen where he stood waiting. She saw him there and walked slowly into his outstretched arms. He held her close and stroked her hair. She burrowed her head into his chest and he heard a muffled ‘good morning’ escape their embrace. ‘Good morning yourself’ he said, ‘I love you more today than yesterday’. She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. He had said those same words to her every morning of their life together, a ritual that had lasted thru the years when others had been lost to time. She reached up to kiss his lips and he marveled at the sensation that kissing her always sparked. Much older now the intense fiery passion of his youth had long since surrendered to a smoldering heat that glowed within him like coals on a smoldering campfire unwilling to be extinguished in the growing darkness of the approaching night. He felt her body move beneath her robe. Still slender, the feel of her excited him and he kissed her more deeply. Standing there in the early morning light they held onto each other, unable to let go of this unexpected moment. Finally they parted and holding her hand he led her over to the window. ‘The leaves are almost gone’ he said and pointed towards the tree. ‘I see’ she said, ‘but there are still a few holding on.’ ‘Oops, there goes another one’ she sighed suddenly looking a little sad. ‘But they will be back in the spring. All green and full of life again. Are you going to rake today?’ ‘I don’t know he said, maybe later. I’ll let the wind do as much of the job for me as it can.’ She chuckled and nodded.

He turned to face her. “Do you know what today is” he asked? She looked thoughtful for a moment then frowned. “No” she said “I’m sorry but I don’t”. “Well I do” he replied. And taking her hand again he led her into the dining room. There all laid out was a candle lit table with their best China and crystal. She gasped in surprise and he squeezed her hand. She was terribly pleased but still confused. “You’re going to have to remind me, baby, I just don’t remember” she exclaimed. He nodded and pulling her chair from beneath the table, he beckoned for her to be seated. He sat down then and took her hand. “Today is the anniversary of the first time I saw you” he whispered. “I can still remember what you were wearing and how you looked. I thought you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I stared until I caught your eye. You didn’t look interested at all but I couldn’t let the moment pass without saying something to you, although I wasn’t sure at all what would come out once I opened my mouth. I walked over to where you stood, obviously wondering what I was up to but standing your ground in anticipation. It seemed to take forever to walk those few yards that separated us but I finally arrived and you managed a smile. I said hello. You said hi and my life changed forever in the wake of that greeting.”

She remembered their first meeting of course, but she had forgotten the date. She had been distracted that day as she made her way towards the door to the restaurant. She was meeting a longtime friend for lunch and running late. Meeting a stranger was not something her schedule could abide. Never-the-less as the man got closer she felt something move through her. Not a chill exactly. She was certainly not afraid of him but there was something she could not name. When he spoke to her, the sound of his voice was pleasing and she wondered if she had heard it before. Deciding not, she answered and waited for him to speak again. He introduced himself and she could sense that he was slightly embarrassed at what was undoubtedly uncharacteristic boldness. She was touched and told him her name. An awkward silence followed in which neither of them spoke but continued to look at each other and smile nonsensically. After a while he asked her if she would like a cup of coffee. She said yes immediately and they wandered off together leaving her friend to wonder what had happened to her. Later she had remembered and telephoned to explain. “I don’t know if she ever really forgave me for standing her up that day,” she said and he laughed.

They were both momentarily lost in memories of a day long ago when their love began. He took her hand and squeezed it. Touching her still excited him and he stroked her gently. He enjoyed these mornings with her. She was his and his alone during these precious moments and he relished their solitude. ‘I love you’ he whispered in her ear and stroked her hair. ‘I love you too’ she whispered in return, words that he had long ago wanted and waited to hear. ‘You and only you’ she murmured and he could only hold her in return

The doorbell rang. Surprised, he left her at the table and made his way to the front door. Opening the door and met their daughter standing on the steps. ‘Why hello honey’ he greeted her. ‘We didn’t expect you today, everything alright?’

The daughter, a middle-aged, attractive woman reached to hug him. ‘Hello dad. Everything is fine. I was just out early this morning and thought I would drop by for a few minutes. You doing OK?’ ‘Of course’ he said. ‘Your Mother and I are just having breakfast. Would you like to join us?’ A fleeting look of sadness passed across her face, but a smile quickly returned. ‘No thanks’ she answered. ‘I ate with Bill this morning before he left for work, but I would take a cup of coffee.’ He stepped back and she came into the foyer. ‘Please go on into the dining room. Your Mother is in there. I’ll get your coffee.’ She watched his back as he turned away towards the kitchen. He was the gentlest, kind and loving man she had ever known. In her youth she mistakenly believed she would find and marry a man just like her Father. But with age came reality and she learned that men like her Dad were very rare. She reached out a hand to touch him but he had already passed out of her reach.

She watched until he disappeared and turned towards the dining room. She stopped at the doorway and marveled at the place settings and the candlelight. A lump suddenly appeared in her throat and she choked back a tear. The depth of her parents love had always been evident to her. Even as a small child she could sense it and the feeling brought security that she now knew she had taken for granted. She gazed around the room and felt the overwhelming presence of that love again, so real and so strong. The feeling of being somehow protected returned and she allowed a warm glow to spread throughout her body. She sat down in the chair she had used throughout her life and waited on her Father.

He came quietly into the room carrying her coffee in a china cup that she recognized as part of her Mother’s wedding China. She had never drunk from one of the paper thin cups and did not remember seeing them anywhere except in the antique china cabinet standing alone against the far wall of the dining room. She looked at her Father and he smiled. ‘Special occasion’ he whispered. She nodded and tentatively reached for the cup. The man sat down and spoke to the woman who had been sitting quietly watching the little drama unfold. ‘She’s a little afraid to hold it’ he said. The woman nodded and looked at her daughter with a mixture of anticipation and love.

‘Remember the night she was born”, she asked him? ‘Oh my yes’ he said, ‘What a night that was’. They had waited ten years for the child they both wanted so desperately. Finally, the news – she was pregnant! He had not expected to be so overwhelmed with love for her. He had loved her every day of their life together but never more than at that moment. They both broke into tears of joy and wept uncontrollably in each other’s arms. A child! ‘On my goodness, she said, ‘I can’t believe it.’ He held her close and kissed her softly. She wiped the tears from her cheek and snuffled against his chest. ‘We have so much to do’ she murmured.

The time passed very quickly and when her time drew near the weather turned brutally cold. The night she arrived there was a bitter wind swirling the snow piled against curbs by snowplows clanking noisily along the neighborhood streets. The pains came. After bundling them both he grabbed the suitcase he had carefully placed by the door for just this occasion and escorted her out to the car. Once inside he turned the key and nothing happened. He tried again, still nothing. They looked at each other. Not panicking exactly but moving in that direction. He tried again but no sound came. Dead battery he thought. ‘What is it’ she asked? ‘Don’t worry’ he said. ‘I’ll call a cab.’ They were both freezing inside the car and stumbled back inside the house to await the taxi. He found the number and grabbing the phone he quickly dialed. ‘Taxi service’ a pleasant sounding woman’s voice answered. ‘I need a taxi right away; my wife is having a baby’ he exclaimed. ‘Where are you located’, she asked? He hastily gave her the address. She hesitated a long moment. ‘Oh I’m so sorry sir but we can’t get into your neighborhood right now. There’s a four car pileup blocking the entrance. Don’t know how long it’ll be.’ ‘Thanks’ he said and hung up. ‘They can’t get here’ he told her, ‘looks like we’re on our own for a while’. She tried to smile but the pain brought a grimace instead and he sat down beside her on the sofa and held her. They sat like that for a few minutes but the pains came quicker and he knew what he would have to do. ‘Come along’ he urged and guided her into the bedroom. Two hours later she held the baby in her arms.

The daughter broke into his thoughts, ‘Dad have you considered what we talked about?’ He glanced at his wife and turned his gaze onto his daughter. ‘I thought about it’, he said, ‘but I can’t see myself in one of those boxes they call apartments. No yard, no trees and what about your Mother? She does not want to move either. This has been our home for over 50 years. It’s a part of us.’ The young woman frowned slightly. ‘I know Dad but you’re getting to the point where it’s so hard for you to take care of everything. Wouldn’t you be happier without having to do all of that work? I worry that you’re going to fall and hurt yourself. The last thing in the world we want is for you to break a hip.’ He knew she was right but it didn’t matter. He had discussed it over and over with her Mother and they agreed. Maybe someday but not now. ‘I know you worry’, he said, ‘but I don’t take any chances and I enjoy taking care of the place.’ ‘Your Mother likes to work in the flower beds and she couldn’t do that in a box. I just don’t think now is the time. Your Mother and I will stay here a while longer’. She sighed knowing he would never willingly leave the house where she was born and grew up. But she kept trying as much to ease her conscience as anything else. ‘OK dad. Have it your way.’ She got up to leave and he came over to hug her tightly. ‘I love you’, he said. ‘I love you too’, she responded, momentarily seized by a wave of emotion. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye that suddenly appeared. He pretended not to notice and walked her to the door. ‘I’ll see you again later this week, she promised. ‘Good’ he said. We’ll look forward to it.’ Softly he closed the door and made his way back to the dining room where she waited patiently.

He watched her through the window by the door. He saw her stop and stare at the house for a long time. He wondered what she was thinking. ‘That he was crazy,’ he supposed or at least unbalanced. He laughed out loud and hearing him, she came from the dining room and encircled him in her arms. ‘What’s so funny’, she asked? “Just watching our daughter trying hard to figure things out’ he said. He turned and took her full into his arms and kissed her on the lips as he had done so often. She lightly touched her tongue to his lips and he responded as predictably as always. He touched her cheek and she pressed his hand to her lips. ‘She means well’ he said, ‘she just doesn’t want to worry about us.’ I know’ she said, ‘but we belong here, together.’ He smiled at her then. A knowing smile. A smile full of secrets and love. Of course, love. ‘I’m a little tired, he said. ‘I think I’ll lie down.’ You go ahead’ she told him. ‘I’ll clean this up and join you in a minute.’

He knew she was not real, or at least not as real as once she was. She was not a ghost either. He did not believe in ghosts. He was sitting alone at the kitchen table when she first appeared to him. He had been so terribly depressed and unable to sleep. He was exhausted beyond anything he had ever experienced. He had begun to experience severe headaches that were almost blinding and he was in the early stages of the latest edition. He sat with his eyes closed when he heard a sound in the room. A footstep he thought. When he opened his eyes, she was there. She was sitting opposite him in the chair she had occupied for so long. For a very long moment they simply stared at each other. He recovered slightly and finding his voice he called her name. She smiled at him and answered. He reached out his hand to touch her not really knowing what to expect. He felt her soft skin as smooth as ever respond to his touch. ‘Hi’ she said. ‘Miss me?”. They reached for each other and embraced once again.

He was not a stupid or naive man. He knew that what was happening to him was not normal. He took to his computer and quickly found an explanation. He was suffering a mild case of schizophrenia which was triggered by a small stroke more than likely. His mind had somehow shifted into another ‘gear’. An alternate reality in which he could see things that others could not see and do things others could not do. Psychologically he was suffering from a mental illness. Not a breakdown exactly but definitely a break with reality. Ordinarily a person suffering as he was would be treated medically with anti-psychotic drugs and possibly some therapy to effect a ‘cure’. He knew that was his daughter’s concern. How much further would his mind break down? To the point where he could not be trusted to live alone and take care of himself? She could have committed he knew because he had given her power of attorney. But would she? He wasn’t sure. Maybe, or maybe not. He was not too concerned. He knew what was happening and he did not want to be ‘cured’. He preferred his reality to any reality a ‘cure’ might evoke. He preferred to live here with her as before. He pondered these things as he made his way up the stairs holding onto her hand. He knew decision time was coming.

The daughter opened the door to get into her car but stopped to look back at the house she knew so well. She had many wonderful memories of her life here. She had been very happy and felt safe and secure. Although she was an only child, she could not remember ever being lonely. Her parents had always been there for her. Loving, encouraging, protecting. She knew she was fortunate to have led such a charmed life. Other of her friends had not been so fortunate and she had witnessed their pain. She was grateful and wanted to be there for them in return.

She shook her head. She was not sure what to do. Her Father was adamant about staying in the house but she wondered how much longer it would be safe for him there. He was physically in good health but his mind … Her Mother had died suddenly a year ago. At first he was devastated but one day he changed dramatically. The reason, she soon discovered, was that he believed she was still living with him in the home they shared for all those many years. He began to refer to her in the present tense and seldom left the house except to buy a few groceries and necessities. When she visited him he spoke to her Mother as if she were actually in the room and expected her to do the same. At first she went along with him. Out of curiosity as much as anything to see where the fantasy was going. He seemed so happy she could not bring herself to spoil it, especially after seeing him so devastated those first few months. It had been a year now and he still persisted in the fantasy and in the mood. She had talked it over at length with her husband but could not resolve her dilemma. What harm could there be, she thought, to let him go on believing and living at home as if it were real. Her husband disagreed but he would not interfere. She got into the car and headed back home.

The man stood at the upstairs window and watched her go. He turned towards the bed and opened the drawer of the nightstand. It was lying there waiting. He touched it but did not pick it up. He closed his eyes and hearing her coming up the stairs he closed the drawer. Decision time was coming, he knew. But not today.